Vow A Memoir of Marriage And Other Affairs (Audible Audio Edition) Wendy Plump Coleen Marlo Audible Studios for Bloomsbury Books
Download As PDF : Vow A Memoir of Marriage And Other Affairs (Audible Audio Edition) Wendy Plump Coleen Marlo Audible Studios for Bloomsbury Books
There are so many ways to find out. From a cell phone. From a bank statement. From some weird supermarket encounter. One morning in early January 2005, Wendy Plump's friend came to tell her that her husband was having an affair. It was not a shock. Actually, it explained a lot. But what Wendy was not prepared for was the revelation that her husband also had another child, living within a mile of their family home.
Monogamy is one of the most important of the many vows we make in our marriages. Yet it is a rare spouse who does not face some level of temptation in their married life. The discovery of her husband's affair followed betrayals of Wendy's own, earlier in the marriage. The revelations of those infidelities had tested their relationship, but for Wendy, it was commitment - the sticking with it - that mattered most, and when her sons were born, she knew family had to come first. But with another woman and another family in the picture, she lost all sense of certainty.
In Vow, Wendy Plump boldly walks one relationship's fault lines, exploring infidelity from the perspective of both betrayer and betrayed. Moving fluidly from the intimate to the near-universal, she considers the patterns of adultery, the ebb and flow of passion, the undeniable allure of the illicit, the lovers and the lies. Frank, intelligent and important, Vow will forever alter your understanding of fidelity, and the meaning of the promises we make to those we love.
Vow A Memoir of Marriage And Other Affairs (Audible Audio Edition) Wendy Plump Coleen Marlo Audible Studios for Bloomsbury Books
This book written by a female newspaper and magazine reporter had a lot of helpful infidelity information. These tips were not directly stated by the author but rather a read between the lines truth. So looking for books that contain true women infidelity confessions I would recommend buying this book. For other books that were helpful to me with researching women infidelity please look at my amazon review for the book called Womens Infidelity 2 by Michelle Langley. Okay here are some helpful things I've learned from this book.Why do women confess to affairs if they don't get caught? You may think its to relieve guilt that makes them confess but that would be very wrong. They confess to get out of the love hate affair addiction that they are trapped in. The easiest way to stop the affair for the woman is to confess to her husband. Pg 11,12,15 the author writes There is a centripetal force to every affair. Once it starts, once it gets cranking in its whirl of lies and pleasure it is a b to slow down. And to disembark without getting knocked over, forget it. I did not think I would be able to do that on my own. Breaking off from Tommy had become essential but I did not know how to do it. I didn't want to continue the deceit, but I also didn't want to give him up. It was the drug of him that I wanted. Quitting him, I came to realize would require a massive opposing force. Something like the truth would do. It's the deceit that cause the anguish. And when you finally want to end the thing, you want to end all of it. Including the burden of hiding it.
This brings up another truth, Lovers who couldn't care less. First of all every woman affair book always call the men they cheat with their lovers and not their f buddy or fwb. I feel this is to protect the narcissist woman who is cheating from feeling foolish or guilt for risking their marriages and their kids relationship with their father from divorce. In truth a f buddy or fwb have higher morals and integrity than a lover who is often married themselves and cheating on their wife as well. Anyway these lovers who the cheating woman always makes love to instead of f or had sex with, worry about themselves once the affair is exposed and usually drop all contact with the cheating wife. On Pg 44 the author writes after telling Bill about her affair I called Tommy to let him know the jig was up. And over. His response was curt and emotionless and not a little bit self-absorbed. I could hear the very edge of nervousness in his voice, the Will Bill show up at my doorstep? Question not exactly asked but everywhere implied. On pg 18 the author writes months after he found out about Tommy, who, it must be said, disappeared almost without a trace after my confession. So the cheating man or lover really doesn't care about the married woman he is cheating with and in fact probably has a few other women on the side as well that he cheats with. That's how Tommy so easily detached himself from the author. On pg 155 her lover Tommy even told her he did not want her to leave her husband.
This goes into another truth, Once a cheating narcissist woman always a cheating narcissist woman regardless of the Oscar nominating performance of remorse or alligator tears she displays for her husband. The cheating narcissist wife affair confession only drove the self centered narcissist lover away but there are many other affair pushers out there and the cheating wife is an addict. On page 48 the author says that since she had an affair she felt less inclined to stop from having another. I looked back on Tommy and saw that nothing all that terrible had come of it so I concluded that nothing all that terrible was going to come of having another affair.
Which brings us to another truth, in the affair cheating game women have a huge advantage. Women lovers just want sex and do not want the husband drama so they are less likely to slip up and accidentally leave a tell tale sign behind like a woman cheating with a married man would do. Women cheat up for financial reasons and will put pressure for the man to leave their wife by leaving clues or sending a anonymous letter to the wife. Since a lot of women cheat you can't play a player who already knows the little signs and clues of cheating. On pg 79 the author writes about her husbands odd behavior by saying by this point I had been an adulterer three times. I knew how one acts, and it looked exactly like this. Women also have more people to help be alibi for their cheating. A scratch my back and I will scratch your back arrangement with her cheating female friends. There are the female friends who she vents to about the affair and lie for her as alibi, and the male friends who she says she was with instead of really being with her lover in case someone sees her and tells the husband. Emotional sensitive behavior by the wife makes a man feel guilty. Emotional sensitive behavior by the man raises a red flag. A cheating wife can start a fight with her husband by making a mountain out of a ant hill and become furious for leaving a dirty dish in the sink and storm out of the house to go be with her lover till late in the night. A man doing the same thing to the wife would raise a flag. On pg 106 her husbands illogical behavior raised a flag for the author that he was cheating. You can't play a player. Women even have paid therapy to help them vent their adultery. On pg 133 the author writes about her favorite therapist odd moral code. Her counselor told her that she can talk and vent all she wants but her husband can not be permitted in her office until after she told him about the affair she was having. I wonder if this rule has anything at all to do with morals or more likely safety because you don't want a husband freaking out in a therapist office and in a rage go and get his gun out of the car glove box and return to shoot the cheating wife and the therapist. The therapist the author likes and spent years of money on doesn't say anything the author doesn't want to hear and the author can't seem to remember any helpful advice from her. The author does mention another therapist that did give helpful advice about logistics to help deal with her cheating husband having another child with another woman. After the helpful logistics advice the author didn't go back to that therapist anymore.
In the book the author does give lots of clues to a self centered narcissistic mindset of only seeing things that effect her at that specific point of time without regard to other people needs or feelings. On pg 83,85 the author as the wife described her marriage as the roommate existence. Boring. Satisfying but boring. I didn't imagine that was unusual. An exciting marriage was not a priority. My kids were. On pg 54,55, the author as the other woman cheating with a married man says before the cheating started she knew her lover was already married because he had dropped hints to her but it was okay because he hadn't been dishonest with her. The author saw herself as the result of her lovers wife not appreciating her husband. On pg 153 she says here was this beautiful man, full of life and vitality, curious for the whole world and everything in it. I couldn't comprehend why she left him alone so often. Part of me thought she was to blame. If she's not paying attention, then I am her own fault. If she's not loving him, well, then I will. On pg 154 the author further says But if truth be told, I didn't spend much time thinking about Steven's wife at all. Her feelings, her love for her husband, the lives of their girls, the state she would be in should she discover my presence in their world, hardly entered the tight orbit of my consideration. On pg 129 the author writes this is how I've lived so far, utterly from the hip and without much forethought. On pg 196 the author writes I knew it was wrong. But wrong was once again less important than want. And then when the author talks about therapy and how she supports it she gives the truth when talking about other women cheating. On pg 139 she writes what I think any adulterer should be told is this. If your needs weren't' being met, you ought to have communicated them. If the spark was gone and this bugs you, find it again or get out. Is sex ever really boring, really? And you know where the passion went it went into your lovers bed, that is where you took it. And your lover really understood you better only because you were answering the front door in a thong. Of course a counselor would not get repeat business telling their clients the truth so they let their clients vent and get paid.
There was mentioning of the author smoking and drinking but no mention of bisexuality or gambling episodes. In my research bisexuality and gambling are also common symptoms of narcissism. Cheating is a common symptom as well because its a thrill mindset of taboo sex and bisexuality adds to that taboo sex thrill as well.
There are a lot more helpful in between the line tips in this book. In the end after all the affairs it seems the only regret the author has is the decline in her lifestyle from her husband leaving her because he divorced her to live with another woman who he had a child with during the affair.
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Vow A Memoir of Marriage And Other Affairs (Audible Audio Edition) Wendy Plump Coleen Marlo Audible Studios for Bloomsbury Books Reviews
I picked up this book on a friend's recommendation and was not disappointed. The author examines the affairs she had during her married life, and those of her husband, explaining her motivations for her affairs and trying to figure out her husband's motivations for his. It is an autobiographical account of the failure of her marriage, not a self-help book on how to sustain your marriage; however, there is much to learn in this book. The author does discuss monogamy on a philosophical basis, but doesn't draw conclusions for the reader. She is, in a sense, a teacher, whose style is not to give you the answers, but to give you food for thought and let you find the answers for yourself.
This is an excellent book for anyone interested in examining infidelity and/or looking for a book that will cause them to think, and reflect upon marriage and relationships. The author crafts her book well, drawing you in and keeping you moving through the chapters. I greatly enjoyed the book and would not hesitate to recommend it.
I read this book in probably the shortest amount of time that I've read a book in a long time. This book broke my heart time and time again. Knowing how these two people cheated on one another, yet tried a few times, unsuccessfully, to get their marriage back, it was too late. I feel bad for the two children born of this marriage, but I feel worst for the husband and wife. They seemed to never have what it took to make this marriage work, that there was something missing from the very beginning of their vows. I find that so sad. The whole book was sad, yet, there were lessons to be learned if you read the book, you will see them. I don't know how to say I enjoyed a book that made me so sad, yet I did enjoy it. I'd like to see more from this author.
This story is well worth the read (or in the case of the audiobook, the listen).
Vow is a very brave and honest account of a relationship that was doomed from the beginning. While many reviewers might be tempted to review the author as a person and not the book, I don't think that is fair. After all, it's no secret what this book is about. If you chose to read a book about adultery, and live vicariously through the actors in it, you can't judge them as people when reflecting on the story.
The book is very well written and effectively captures and describes the mentality of a woman who seems to have no respect for the vow of marriage until it is irreparably broken. At times, Wendy does channel her inner Frasier and use bigger words and metaphors than the scene calls for, but it's not obnoxious.
I didn't feel much (if any) sympathy for Wendy or Bill, but I don't think she tries to seek it. What I did feel was empathy. I can relate to the situation where a couple tries to continue their marriage after an affair without ever addressing the underlying issues that led to the affair in the first place. I understand what it feels like to always wonder if the other person is going to "get back" at you someday. I understand how being in a marriage where things just aren't right leads to needing to escape, and the comfort you can find in someone else.
But most of all, I can understand what it's like to want to stay together, even when there is no good reason to do so, simply because we're afraid of accepting the consequences of our actions. It's about deferring pain, and it accrues interest. We'll always feel vulnerable until we pay full price for those actions.
I hope that writing this book was a weight off of Wendy's shoulders. Once the story was documented and the last page written, I hope that she was able to move on from the past and carry the lessons toward a better future for her and her children.
This book written by a female newspaper and magazine reporter had a lot of helpful infidelity information. These tips were not directly stated by the author but rather a read between the lines truth. So looking for books that contain true women infidelity confessions I would recommend buying this book. For other books that were helpful to me with researching women infidelity please look at my review for the book called Womens Infidelity 2 by Michelle Langley. Okay here are some helpful things I've learned from this book.
Why do women confess to affairs if they don't get caught? You may think its to relieve guilt that makes them confess but that would be very wrong. They confess to get out of the love hate affair addiction that they are trapped in. The easiest way to stop the affair for the woman is to confess to her husband. Pg 11,12,15 the author writes There is a centripetal force to every affair. Once it starts, once it gets cranking in its whirl of lies and pleasure it is a b to slow down. And to disembark without getting knocked over, forget it. I did not think I would be able to do that on my own. Breaking off from Tommy had become essential but I did not know how to do it. I didn't want to continue the deceit, but I also didn't want to give him up. It was the drug of him that I wanted. Quitting him, I came to realize would require a massive opposing force. Something like the truth would do. It's the deceit that cause the anguish. And when you finally want to end the thing, you want to end all of it. Including the burden of hiding it.
This brings up another truth, Lovers who couldn't care less. First of all every woman affair book always call the men they cheat with their lovers and not their f buddy or fwb. I feel this is to protect the narcissist woman who is cheating from feeling foolish or guilt for risking their marriages and their kids relationship with their father from divorce. In truth a f buddy or fwb have higher morals and integrity than a lover who is often married themselves and cheating on their wife as well. Anyway these lovers who the cheating woman always makes love to instead of f or had sex with, worry about themselves once the affair is exposed and usually drop all contact with the cheating wife. On Pg 44 the author writes after telling Bill about her affair I called Tommy to let him know the jig was up. And over. His response was curt and emotionless and not a little bit self-absorbed. I could hear the very edge of nervousness in his voice, the Will Bill show up at my doorstep? Question not exactly asked but everywhere implied. On pg 18 the author writes months after he found out about Tommy, who, it must be said, disappeared almost without a trace after my confession. So the cheating man or lover really doesn't care about the married woman he is cheating with and in fact probably has a few other women on the side as well that he cheats with. That's how Tommy so easily detached himself from the author. On pg 155 her lover Tommy even told her he did not want her to leave her husband.
This goes into another truth, Once a cheating narcissist woman always a cheating narcissist woman regardless of the Oscar nominating performance of remorse or alligator tears she displays for her husband. The cheating narcissist wife affair confession only drove the self centered narcissist lover away but there are many other affair pushers out there and the cheating wife is an addict. On page 48 the author says that since she had an affair she felt less inclined to stop from having another. I looked back on Tommy and saw that nothing all that terrible had come of it so I concluded that nothing all that terrible was going to come of having another affair.
Which brings us to another truth, in the affair cheating game women have a huge advantage. Women lovers just want sex and do not want the husband drama so they are less likely to slip up and accidentally leave a tell tale sign behind like a woman cheating with a married man would do. Women cheat up for financial reasons and will put pressure for the man to leave their wife by leaving clues or sending a anonymous letter to the wife. Since a lot of women cheat you can't play a player who already knows the little signs and clues of cheating. On pg 79 the author writes about her husbands odd behavior by saying by this point I had been an adulterer three times. I knew how one acts, and it looked exactly like this. Women also have more people to help be alibi for their cheating. A scratch my back and I will scratch your back arrangement with her cheating female friends. There are the female friends who she vents to about the affair and lie for her as alibi, and the male friends who she says she was with instead of really being with her lover in case someone sees her and tells the husband. Emotional sensitive behavior by the wife makes a man feel guilty. Emotional sensitive behavior by the man raises a red flag. A cheating wife can start a fight with her husband by making a mountain out of a ant hill and become furious for leaving a dirty dish in the sink and storm out of the house to go be with her lover till late in the night. A man doing the same thing to the wife would raise a flag. On pg 106 her husbands illogical behavior raised a flag for the author that he was cheating. You can't play a player. Women even have paid therapy to help them vent their adultery. On pg 133 the author writes about her favorite therapist odd moral code. Her counselor told her that she can talk and vent all she wants but her husband can not be permitted in her office until after she told him about the affair she was having. I wonder if this rule has anything at all to do with morals or more likely safety because you don't want a husband freaking out in a therapist office and in a rage go and get his gun out of the car glove box and return to shoot the cheating wife and the therapist. The therapist the author likes and spent years of money on doesn't say anything the author doesn't want to hear and the author can't seem to remember any helpful advice from her. The author does mention another therapist that did give helpful advice about logistics to help deal with her cheating husband having another child with another woman. After the helpful logistics advice the author didn't go back to that therapist anymore.
In the book the author does give lots of clues to a self centered narcissistic mindset of only seeing things that effect her at that specific point of time without regard to other people needs or feelings. On pg 83,85 the author as the wife described her marriage as the roommate existence. Boring. Satisfying but boring. I didn't imagine that was unusual. An exciting marriage was not a priority. My kids were. On pg 54,55, the author as the other woman cheating with a married man says before the cheating started she knew her lover was already married because he had dropped hints to her but it was okay because he hadn't been dishonest with her. The author saw herself as the result of her lovers wife not appreciating her husband. On pg 153 she says here was this beautiful man, full of life and vitality, curious for the whole world and everything in it. I couldn't comprehend why she left him alone so often. Part of me thought she was to blame. If she's not paying attention, then I am her own fault. If she's not loving him, well, then I will. On pg 154 the author further says But if truth be told, I didn't spend much time thinking about Steven's wife at all. Her feelings, her love for her husband, the lives of their girls, the state she would be in should she discover my presence in their world, hardly entered the tight orbit of my consideration. On pg 129 the author writes this is how I've lived so far, utterly from the hip and without much forethought. On pg 196 the author writes I knew it was wrong. But wrong was once again less important than want. And then when the author talks about therapy and how she supports it she gives the truth when talking about other women cheating. On pg 139 she writes what I think any adulterer should be told is this. If your needs weren't' being met, you ought to have communicated them. If the spark was gone and this bugs you, find it again or get out. Is sex ever really boring, really? And you know where the passion went it went into your lovers bed, that is where you took it. And your lover really understood you better only because you were answering the front door in a thong. Of course a counselor would not get repeat business telling their clients the truth so they let their clients vent and get paid.
There was mentioning of the author smoking and drinking but no mention of bisexuality or gambling episodes. In my research bisexuality and gambling are also common symptoms of narcissism. Cheating is a common symptom as well because its a thrill mindset of taboo sex and bisexuality adds to that taboo sex thrill as well.
There are a lot more helpful in between the line tips in this book. In the end after all the affairs it seems the only regret the author has is the decline in her lifestyle from her husband leaving her because he divorced her to live with another woman who he had a child with during the affair.
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